what is the word

Just back from an ill-fated walk in midtown, looking for a birthday card for my nephew. Criscrossed rapidly thru the streets between Sixth & Seventh avenues -- 51st, 50th, 49th -- angry and getting angrier because the store I had thought was right there wasn't. Had this horribly tempting urge to put my fist thru one of the glass windows I passed as my anger turned to frustrated rage & then I found myself on the loathsome block passing the Time-Life Building & its drab rushing fountain where once I ran into an ex-boyfriend on the corner & we fought. We had been running away from each other on purpose & instead we both found ourselves at 50th & 6th at the same moment. A bride & groom were having their photo taken there by the fountain, & there we two were, standing there screaming at each other, hurling hateful words into the air, unmindful of the passersby, spitting forth venom & blinking back tears; I don't remember how we parted but we fought so bitterly I don't think I ever wrote about it. Annoyed to think about it today, when I was already furious at myself for wasting twenty minutes trying to find a store that wasn't there, & as I rushed back to work listening to the click of my heels upon the sidewalk & in the lobby, I knew people were thinking what he thought that day when he told me you walk like the Gestapo, & then pretended not to notice he'd hurt my feelings.
It's funny how some days it feels like the whole city is out to get you, conspiring to thwart you at every turn, when all you wanted was to buy a greeting card & have a smoke, & instead you are reminded of a violent scene & the love you lost & you have to go back to work empty-handed.