what is the word

My insomnia came back last nite, the bad kind. I fell asleep very early for me, at 10:30, but at 2:37 on the dot I was awake, & I didn't fall asleep again until 8 a.m. or so. I was trying to read things that make me usually feel better but it wasn't working. I read the entire goddamn book Franny & Zooey again, & incidentally reading that book makes me want to say "goddamn" about every second or so, & after that I picked up a book of poems by Sylvia Plath (a gift from Paul) & read several of those, & then I picked up Cosmopolis (a gift from Stuart), but it started out like this
Sleep failed him more often now, not once or twice a week but four times, five.... He tried to read himself into sleep but only grew more wakeful.
-- so I put it down straightaway.
After that I tried making myself bored by reading this big notebook I've been writing favorite passages & poems & such in since I was about fifteen. I got stuck on the line
New York! D'abord j'ai été confondu par ta beauté...
& read it over & over the way someone might read the same goddamn sentence in Moby Dick if they were, say, on the train to Philadelphia, trying to work up the nerve to talk to the girl sitting opposite.
What a nitemare insomnia is. I also HAD nitemares, when I finally got to sleep.

Why aren't there any dour pictures of Sylvia Plath? She looks like a pinup.
Why does Oprah have to ruin everything? She ruined East of Eden & she's ruining Anna Karenina. I know I'm being a horrible Jonathan Franzen-like snob, & I didn't even read that Corrections book. But I don't like her spreading good books around. I know she's not really ruining them. I know it's a wonderful thing she's doing, getting average homemakers to read legitimate novels. But I want her to leave me Nancy Mitford & P.G. Wodehouse. I don't want to see The Code of the Woosters or something, with that silly blue O on it. I know I am being grumpy. I didn't get enough sleep.
Thanks to Melly I did get a smile today. This is pretty great. Lucky bndkllr29! Imagining Melly wearing it aboard the Christmas train in Chicago saved my whole day.