Last nite, in bed with my hottie of a fuck buddy, I think I was drunkenly mumbling about biches. I guess most Americans don't know what biches are. My f.b. had no clue. I don't even know what the English word for them is. But I'm not making them up. Biches are real. They're basically miniature deer. There were lots of them when I was living in Africa. I remember them being knee-high or smaller, & they sort of prance around a lot, just like regular deer. Some people had them as pets, tho I found a blog entry by someone who ate one (tip: don't scroll down to the charred monkey). Back in Abidjan, the ambassador's family had a pair of biches, named Betsy & Ross. I was envious as hell. My sister & I would pester my father, couldn't we PLEASE get a biche, just ONE biche?
"The dog would eat it," he'd say. "It wouldn't even have a chance."
So we never had any biches, & I never saw much of Betsy & Ross either, the two of them being pretty flighty & scared of humans. Still, I wouldn't mind having a biche now. I could take it for walks & Melly could have her guide horse. The biche would be a total fucking petrosexual called Babette La Biche & the guide horse, naturally, would be named Juanita Valdez. Ah, those will be the days, Melly, those will be the days.
& by the way -- while I was "researching" biches online, Google, after politely checking to make sure I didn't really mean to search for "Bitches," suggested I check out this site. Apparently, "biche" has another meaning in French, because altho this is a simply awesome site, it has nothing to do with deer whatsoever. As far as I can tell it's a site for this really fun lesbian community in Brussels. They have a fuckload of parties & they dress female statues in tee-shirts with their awesome logo & make out with them. There is a section dedicated to women's coming-out stories, and they refer to themselves as biches qui sont sorties du bois, or, "deer who have come out of the woods."
Isn't that fascinating? I can't wait to see what this is going to do to my sitemeter. I feel like it's gonna be juicy.
Post-script. It turns out the English word for biche is "duiker" (pronounced, ironically, like dyke-r). They aren't really deer; they're "pygmy antelopes." Check out the biche-to-person ratio here.
Post-post-script. I like how the initials for fuck buddy, f.b., are the reverse of the ones for boyfriend, b.f. It does seem to fit.
