what is the word

I'm having a stressed-out day, a backwards-looking, dim, bleary sort of day. It's flat & cold outside. I slept at Leyla's last nite because E. went away to California that morning & I didn't want to sleep alone. We watched some of Zoolander before bed & I was sleeping on a futon & every once in awhile I caught the sour smell of bong water as it drifted over from the coffee table.
Today there's a cold sore burgeoning on my lip & my fingernails hurt, of all things.
I'm trying to stop my mind from doing calculations, subtracting the costs of the Xmas presents on my list & the bills that must be paid from the disturbingly finite sum in the bank. Dividing the remaining amount by the number of days -- too many -- left before the first of January. Remembering that one of those days is New Year's Eve.
My weekend was off to an early, rather drunken start on Friday after the office holiday party. The parties didn't stop after that either; it was one Xmas party after another, plus an impromptu engagement celebration (congratulations, B & J!), plus finding a bag of weed in front of 265 McKibben just when we needed it most. & in between, a lot of car services & schlepping whiskey & champagne around. A lot of agonizing over what to wear, but somehow wearing the same thing for three days straight. A lot of Buffy Season Seven. A lot of worrying about money. A lot of dreading Sunday, & then Sunday came.
Wondering what to get me for Christmas? This would look awfully pretty on my mantelpiece (if I had one).