what is the word

Last nite was more like it. First I came home to a package of 5 awesome CDs from my boo. Thank you Melly! Then between the 2 of us Polly & I managed to get ourselves invited to 2 quite swanky parties with copious free liquor, on a Tuesday evening no less. The first one was in a giant loft right by Nobu on Hudson... dark cherry floors, beautiful paintings, bookshelves stacked to the ceiling with the most perfect books & one of those rolling ladders so you could easily reference a volume on the highest shelf. The party was in honor of someone from Polly's creative writing program who'd written a screenplay for a movie that just came out. I sank into despondency briefly after meeting so many accomplished young writers.
"I'm such a slacker compared to everyone here," I complained. "& even if I were to write all day every day it wouldn't matter, because it would just be terrible anyway." I half didn't realize I was saying this out loud.
"What?" Polly said. "What? No."
After that we stood by the window & talked about all the fancy parties we went to when we first moved to New York & how for one reason or another we never find ourselves in those situations anymore. Not long after that we took the train back to Brooklyn & I bought a pack of cigarettes & we stood on the corner of North 7th & Bedford lighting them.
"Zablozki's?" Polly said. I nodded. I was listening to my voicemail. My friend DB had left me a message but I couldn't hear what it said so I called him back.
"Listen," he said. "336 West 37th Street, right now. Open bar, band, lots of drunk people you know."
So Polly & I were back on the train heading west again. It was only 11 after all. & then we were up on the 11th floor of this building & there was DB & his girlfriend & there were some of my best friends from boarding school & there were more wood floors, more giant windows with more spectacular views of the city & the darkened sky & the long open bar stretched out like the altar of it all. At the end of the nite they played Ca Plane Pour Moi, which I've been listening to obsessively all week & my non-accomplishment depression dulled & receded a little & we took the train home later & except for the cigarettes I only spent $2 all evening, which has to be some kind of record. For me I mean.